Sunday, July 19, 2009

All Orphans Are Evil (allegedly)

Some adoption groups are up in arms about Orphan, a new evil kid film about to be released by Warner Bros.

The trailer looks pretty standard for studio scare fare. Shame about the hackneyed "Boo!" at the end. I think we can do without a nutcase jumping out from under a sheet for the ten thousandth time. Still, I'll be there to catch it. I have a soft spot for pint-sized menaces (as long as they're not family).

The studio has been forced to retract some of their original advertising for the film in order to pacify these pathetic whiners. They are concerned that the representation of the "orphan" in the film will cast an unfortunate light on "adopted children" and the process of adopting.

It's a legitimate concern -- if you're a five year old retard.

If prospective parents are persuaded (by this movie) that an orphan they are considering adopting is likely to turn totally evil before it hits puberty, they are much too stupid to adopt children, anyway, and should be kicked childless to the curb.

In a sense, the film is performing a public service by helping to identify brain dead couples whose judgment is as sound as Michael Jackson hanging a baby over a balcony.

With Eden Lake, The Children, Plague Town, and Orphan, killer kids are hot right now.

This will be hot, too, thanks to over-sensitive adoption groups. Way to go, guys, and thanks for the free PR!

The '79 The Orphan no doubt destroyed the adoption racket.


  1. Au contraire, Phantom; I think the adoption agencies are right to kick up a stink, in much the same way Wiltshire Staysharp has been forced to recall all of it's products in response to real life injuries and death as a direct result of children watching too many of the new wave of slasher films. Come on, Phantom; get with the program!

  2. The concern is not that adopted children will "turn evil," but that adopted children, an already vulnerable group, will be hurt. These parents are not "pathetic whiners." These parents are advocates for the children they love.

    I have no problem with the movie myself, and believe it will do no real harm to adopted children- though it will spark conversation and explaination, part and parcel of an adoptive family. I don't think the movie studio should be made to be responsible to any one group beyond their target audience, and can put out whatever the hell film they choose. Still, your characterization of the protesting families is misguided.

  3. I wonder why children are the new cool Evil. Do you think it's the influence of Asian horror movies seeping into our mainstream?

  4. Shon -- I'm not sure if it's the Asian children seeping in.

    In the 70's/80's we had Damien (The Omen), The Children, Audrey Rose, Who Could Kill A Child? I wonder what influenced them?

    Pending parenthood?