Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Same Centipede, Same Boring Shite


 The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) is an endurance test because it's slow and protracted. The idea was just as silly the first time. Here, it's the same thing all over again. This time, Martin (Lawrence R. Harvey), a fat, bloated fan of the first film, wants to create his own human centipede. He does this by using his position as an attendant at a parking lot to collect the pieces he needs. He then sews them together and, presto!, another centipede.

Director Tom Six is easily one of the worst directors currently making horror films. His films have zero suspense, the ideas are juvenile beyond belief, and the acting is atrocious. He's also one of the luckiest directors currently making horror films because he's got half the horror community fooled into thinking he's doing something worthwhile and groundbreaking.


 What seems to be driving Six is ego. His name's all over the picture, and the film's focus on a man inspired by the previous film is masturbation of the lowest order.

Although I found this slightly less boring than the first one and Harvey is believably perverted as the lead, I wouldn't recommend it to anybody in a million years.

Say no more.

18 comments:

  1. well, it's common sense that you can't completely exhaust all the potential of people sewn to each other's anuses in just one film.

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  2. Yeah, I'm getting a little bored of films trying to out-gross each other. You see, there is a loosely organized gang of film-makers in Mexico called Los Zetas, and once they started releasing their footage, the whole point of gory movies for the sake of gore became moot. So I'll stick to inventiveness and story.

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  3. interesting. because i thought that six was actually being sarcastic the entire time on the first part and now, with the second part, he's also putting on tons of self-irony. i never thought that anything about 'human centipede' or tom six' work is groundbreaking, but rather an entertainingly subtle spoof of those horror movies that take themselves just a little too seriously. and people i know that've seen the movie(s) tend to agree.

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  4. So glad that you are calling this one, as I only just recently managed to catch the first movie and was blown away by how fucking boring, tame and insulting it really was.

    Why the fuck do they let morons watch movies and then let them go "urgh, that was the most provocative movie ever..." as we all know that we could make a list of ten more provocative movies than that piece of bollocks in our sleep.

    Keep shooting the bastard down!

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  5. Anonymous -- because his movies (the Centi ones, anyway) are so boring and poorly written/directed, I don't see him possessing the objectivity to actually be doing these as sarcastic/ironic rips on horror. I can't go along with "entertainingly subtle" because they don't entertain me and they're not subtle at all. Thanks for sharing your view, though. There is no right or wrong answer here.

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    Mac -- a distinct lack of contrast actually counters the feeling horror is trying to achieve. There's never a hell without heaven.

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    Cinezilla -- yes, I can't believe how such a boring series can be construed as interesting by a lot of fans. In interviews, Six complains that people don't know how to handle its extremity, so they attack it. No, the hardest thing to handle is its vapidity. Any horror/extreme fan who has viewed too much over the years (that includes me) is not grossed out because the grossing has been done before with series like 'Guinea Pig' and countless other Japanese horror/porno hybrids, not to mention very hard porn from the likes of 'Sperrgebiet' and German directors like Simon Thaur.

    As for shooting the bastard down, some bastards deserve to be shot down. Others deserve to be elevated. That's what I do here. I try to tell it like it is for me, at least, and I play no favorites. I'm even tougher on myself.

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  6. i was shocked by human centipede, only because i'd been told how horrific it was and then when i saw it, i was bored to tears.

    IMO, HD had no good gore and nothing visually or conceptually shocking (or imaginative). perhaps --like you, phantom-- i've been overexposed to truly shocking cinema for too long and as a result, our expectations are high (nothing to apologize for).

    HC feels like the masses got a small dose of what's out there and it was too much for them to handle. it's a bad movie -- silly, corny, crappy and not even enough so that you can laugh through it. i actually found myself scanning through a lot of it out of boredom.

    i think six got lucky with the whole right place/right time scenario and it's a shame since there's many other TRULY shocking films that deserve to be seen.

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  7. jervaise brooke hamsterNovember 16, 2011 at 12:22 PM

    That fat bloke is a fucking pathetic pile of dog-shit, he should be bloody-well burned at the stake.

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  8. And here I thought this movie was gonna be really cool and different. I didn't see the first one, but the way they promote this movie it made me feel like it was going to be really something! I haven't seen it yet, but thank you for saving me the money I would of wasted on another shitty movie. Now American Horror is something else! I see it's one of your TV picks and I think it's one of the best horror flicks that's been on TV in ages! Just when I think I know what's going to happen on that show it surprises and thrills me once again. For the life of me I can't figure out which ghost is in the cool bondage suit. Could it be; "The Devil?" (Wayne's World.) Tee hee! Just to satisfy my curiosity what do you think of Dexter? Too tame for your taste? Anyway, hope all is well with you and your reviews are awesome as usual! Whether I'm on the list or not I consider myself an Apostle of Pulp. Have a horrific weekend my friend! ♥

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  9. Ah that's a shame, Phantom, I was kinda hoping you'd enjoy it. Whereas I'm normally nodding in approval with whatever you spew, I'm not doing so here. I didn't find it boring, I did not find the acting to be atrocious (minus a couple probably), and I actually think Six is/can be a bright spot in horror.

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  10. Bekkie -- Still see this movie and make up your own mind. I stick to my opinion of it, buit it is my opinion only. Yes, American Horror Story is a distinguised piece of work.I haven't watched enough of 'Dexter' to form an opinion. I must get to it. We're all Apostles of Pulp here. It's just that I focus on the creatorsm orei n my list.

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    Diary -- I was hoping I'd enjoy it, too. Never mind. I'm glad you did. An opinion is never right or wrong. Even "facts" are disputed at times. I thought the actors, Lawence Harvey excepted, were quite poor. I'm not a fan of Six yet.

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  11. But what if that opinion....is, like, dumb? ;) But seriously, Phantom....you didn't enjoy the bearded doctor?

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  12. Diary -- dumb is ignorant, but it's hard to quantify any opinion as right or wrong. These judgments are absolute. I hate dealing in absolutes. The Bearded Doctor was amusing, but I found the presentation goofy and childish. The writing is poor. I'm the sort of guy who's morei nterested in an entire movie about the fat guy's childhood. I just saw 'Tyrannosaur', a film that, to me, is much more disturbing (I'll blog about it this week)...because it's well written and not one bit goofy. If horror is goofy, it's not horror to me.

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  13. Totally agree on the opinion aspect, as I was just joshing. It's very much a battle to sway another's opinion. Though, I sure do try from time to time. Phewy.

    My mind is flooding with questions, but it's pretty clear to me, due to the length of your review, that you'd rather not waste any more time on HC2. And I'm gonna respect your initial attempt.

    Ha, even though I dug this caricature of a movie, I'm with you. I'd much rather watch a movie about the character of Martin's childhood. And again, I would agree that Tyrannasaur, a film I haven't even seen, is plenty more disturbing than HC2. Films like The War Zone, The Boy Who Cried Bitch, or...hell, fucking The Plague Dogs I find more disturbing. So, I'm with ya on that front.

    Sorry to get so talky here but can you explain your stance concerning that last sentence? Are you saying you see films like Evil Dead 2, Rabid Grannies, or Fright Night, as strictly comedies?

    Also, looking forward to your Tyrannosaurus review. I'm expecting an A. :)

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  14. Between this idiot, and the ones responsible for Paranormal Activity (of which I fell asleep during), I truly hope that this isn't the future for horror/suspense films.

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  15. Milkman -- I guess I like my horror fairly horrific. WAR ZONE, BOY WHO CRIED BITCH, and PLAGUE DOGS are my speed for sure.

    I know EVIL DEAD 2 and the others are loosely classed as horror, but I'd never say that either is "a really intense horror film". DEAD 2 is certainly entertaining, but not horrific to me. I find Clark's DEAD OF NIGHT (aka DEATHDREAM) quite disturbing.

    TYRANNOSAUR has already gotten an A on my sidebar listings. The review is coming over the next couple of days. Catch it if you can.

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    Cult Film Fan -- if by the "future" you're referring to the "norm" for most horror, I'm afraid these flicks represent it. More horrific stuff is getting very marginalized. TWILIGHT has taken the horror out of horror and made it romance. Watered-down genre elements. Depressing.

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  16. Yeah, I noticed your A rating for Tyrannosaur immediately after I posted my message.

    I gotcha, dude. Haven't caught Dead of Night yet, but I will.

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  17. Milkman -- Let me know your thoughts.

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