Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Pretty Porno Paperbacks





Looks like someone didn't get the mail on the "switch". Once again, Liverpool heats up the neighborhood. Gorgeous art.  And is that 'The Riddler' (Frank Gorshin) pawing the blonde beauty?


The price is very reasonable. Still cheaper than a divorce.


Dwarves on Horses get their own porno novel. I wonder if he whispered sweet nothings into her ear in that funny, high-pitched jockey voice? That'd get her G-spot spinning.


"Love That Made a Panty-Waist Into a Man"? Gold! More gritty art and a story to stick under your mattress for just 50 cents.


It's a little rude of dad's mate to leave his hat on inside the house. Fairly minimal illustration with the prevailing dominance theme. I can imagine what he's planning to do with that cigarette, and it doesn't involve smoking.


I love this style of illustration. Very robust.


...and one hot story, that's for sure. First spotted this little number in a porno shop window on my way home from seeing Star Wars for the first time. I soon forgot about Princess Leia.


Not sure how interested the readership was in 'Little Brother' and his pervy antics. 


Race relations were good in porn way before they were good anywhere else.


Just a stark white cover and a sleazy photograph. Perfect. Still, I'd prefer an illustration any day. Leaves so much more to the imagination. The dude's cowboy hat is a classy move.

Monday, April 23, 2012

The Voice With Balls Is Back!


 LA-based Tom Leykis went off the radio three years ago when the station that paid his wages, KLSX, changed formats.  Tom's absence left a big hole in the country's radio market, a market biased entirely towards another kind of hole, and entirely against males (and what being male means) The Oprah-centric American media, which pushes a line that all women are victims of or will be victims of  male "abuse", and all men are would-be rapists, provides virtually no voice for males who are happy being who they are and proud of it.

The pussification of all media has created an environment where men's issues (in the media) are minimized and poorly regarded, and men (as singles, fathers, and husbands) are expected to toe the line of a powerful and influential strata of once-freedom-loving women-now-turned-bitter-middle-agers.

Well, the fighting voice of voice of male reason has returned. Despite the fact that so-called "experts" said it couldn't be done, Leykis, now out of contract, has returned to his seat of influence, and that seat is on-line. Eschewing traditional radio offers, and pioneering a new radio paradigm, he has drawn much criticism for his decision to take his brand to the worldwide web. Also drawing criticism has been his decision to make his show both ad- and subscriber-supported, in addition to the self-support he has given it.


 Just fifteen days in to this bold "experiment", the figures are pretty amazing. In the first week, Leykis had 401,000 listeners. In fifteen days, he has 700 paid subscribers who get additional content. His old terrestrial radio show, which occupied a regular slot on KLSX for 12 years, averaged 330,000 listeners. To put all this into perspective, consider that this 401,000 figure is much higher than LA's highly promoted terrestrial station KABC. In fact, as Leykis himself pointed out on his show this week, there are 14 other LA/Orange Country radio station that don't have 410,000 listens between them (!).

If you're male and you've never listened to Tom, do yourself a favor and go to:

http://blowmeuptom.com

Nobody but nobody in the world does what Tom is doing.

The general media and the family courts have been demonizing men for decades. Surely, you say, there's hope somewhere?

Yes, there is.

If you're male and you give a shit about "adult living" (as Tom calls it), Leykis is relevant to every aspect of your life.

If you're a young male, get out from under your girlfriend's pussy and grow a fuckin pair. Whether it's info on getting the job you want, dealing with women, maintaining your independence, or taking control of your future , Leykis is essential listening.

If you're a woman and you want to truly understand men, give Oprah and her mamby-pamby bullshit the old heave-ho, and confront the truth about men.

Leykis, the Voice With Balls, is back!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Cabins, Mirrors, Stooges, and Death Star Revisits


 If The Cabin in the Woods is the next "Big Thing" in horror, then horror is done, at least horror as we once knew it. That is: Horror that horrifies. Because this collects all the cliches and tired horror tropes of several decades of horror movies and blends them into a self-aware stew, it's ultra-predictable from a suspense point of view, and not one bit scary.

I saw it once a few months ago and again this weekend with company. My initial reaction hasn't changed; it's been cemented. 

Not content to steal from the best and worst of horror films, it also steals big time from dear old H.P. Lovecraft and the oeuvre of Clive Barker.  It does this in a smarmy, distancing way that constantly diffuses its primary narrative.

The Rubik's cube-style poster art is fairly appropriate, except Rubik built a cube that made complete sense. This doesn't. This left me with too many unanswered questions and logic issues the filmmakers glossed over. I got bored quickly because it mined so much familiar material such as Evil Dead (of course), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (both versions, although the score has actual music phrases from Marcus Nispel's remake), Bay of Blood/Friday the 13th, Dellamorte Dellamore, Halloween, The Twilight Zone, The Truman Show, Nightbreed, the list goes on); theft of this magnitude is not new, but when there's so much thieving going on, it's hard for horror film makers to meet basic horror film requirements such as scaring an audience. Ironically, it's the pre-awareness of all elements that kills the thrills because horror, at its core, is about the unknown, and nothing is unknown here at all.

The film's hook is a technical one that reveals something broader. The revelation is served  to us after the whole shebang has gone to hell. Ultimately, The Cabin in the Woods becomes an unholy mess that throws all logic out the window. The concept, on paper, must have radiated potential, but the film is a case of too many scattershot ideas canceling each other out.


I never thought I'd say it after watching the trailers, but I enjoyed and admired Tarsem Singh's Mirror Mirror, a well written and restrained (for this director) re-telling of the Snow White saga.

Many moons ago, director Rob Reiner made a little gem spawned by fairytales called The Princess Bride. It worked because it had a smart script filled with fascinating characters who mouthed intelligent dialog. And it was funny. Mirror Mirror, a similar case, is not as good as Bride, but it's not too shabby, either, and reflects some of Bride's jovial tone.

Launching itself into familiar story territory, the film does contend with a creeping sense of predictability, but it counters what we know and expect with clever dialog, good-natured humor, and occasional detours into the surreal (a scene in which the seven dwarves battle a puppet is really inventive).

Julia Roberts is perfectly cast as an aging queen, and the mouth-watering Lily Collins is never less than engaging as she transitions from palace shut-in to a feisty female warrior.  Sean Bean, playing The King, has almost nothing to do, but acquits himself adequately. The real stars of the show are the seven horizontally challenged blokes who are blessed with mountains of great comedy material by writers Jason Keller and Melisa Wallack.

I was clearly in the right mood for this amusing fairytale fluff and even found myself marveling at some of the incredible costumery of Eiko Ishioka. That's not like me at all.



It's not a fact that the world needed the Farrelly Brothers' Three Stooges movie, but the world go it, anyway. It pads its thin narrative with a backstory where we learn how Larry, Moe, and Curly came to be. Its primary plot involves murder and the boys trying to raise almost a million dollars to keep their old orphanage open. The twists and turns are sub-sitcom at best.

The original Stooges films worked best as shorts. There were features, but the shorts provided the trio with the best structure for their shenanigans. This flick relies heavily on the physical interaction the Stooges were famous for and there are some extremely funny and grotesque exchanges that celebrate sadism with a smile. After a while, though, it becomes tiring because the dramatic scenario barely holding it all together isn't complex enough for a feature. The Mr. Bean movies suffered from this problem also. Bean, like the Stooges, is best in short bursts. Comedy of this nature requires a simple but strong premise on which to hang the schtick. The premise here would have been tight at ten to fifteen minutes. At ninety, its endless. Which is proof that comedians like The Three Stooges and Bean don't work in feature length scenarios.

There is nothing terribly wrong with the actors portraying the famous trio here, but the flick's kid-friendly tone is strangely inconsistent at times. A stand-out, however, is the presence of a very sexy nun (Kate Upton) in a killer swimsuit at the film's conclusion. Not worth the price of admission, but it justifies a serious perve for Nunsploitation fans. You know who you are.




 Lockout, with Guy Pearce (who is very good in a cliched role), is a super-generic action flick set in the space just above our planet. It's part Escape From New York, part Con Air, part Face/Off, part Lost in Space episode 'Condemned of Space'('67), and part Star Wars. Actually, the climax is all Star Wars as X-Wing fighters attack the Death Star (!) and blow it up.

From Luc Besson's Europa Corp, the film is mildly entertaining and features enough brutality and crazed performances (Vincent Regan and Joseph Gilgun) to keep you awake. But that's all.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Cinematic Love Affair







No longer content to let the bland and generic Hunger Games poster art stink up my blog page, I present to you six evocative and deliciously lurid posters from Toei that truly epitomize why we love and lust for cinema's mysterious pleasures.