Is Burton's "Genius" In The Rabbit Hole?

Is it Hayao Miyazaki's Alice in Wonderland or Tim Burton's? I'm confused. I just watched the Alice teaser trailer and I could have sworn that Cheshire cat is the same one piloting the cat bus in My Neighbor Totoro.

Spirited Away pops up, too. Burton's interior stylings of a large palace (or perhaps it's a mansion) are pure Miyazaki, as is the way in which the location is shot and cut.

I have only ever loved one Burton movie and that is Ed Wood. Ed Wood is a fantastic film to me, a perfect film about a fascinating individual. The script got it to the finishing line, not Burton's flat direction.

The rest of his movies are overrated bores. Rudderless shit marketed as rolled gold to easily satisfied morons. He ruined Willy Wonka. He fucked Planet of the Apes. Sleepy Hollow was a snoozefest. I despised Beetlejuice, was rocked to sleep by Big Fish, and enjoyed Big Top Pee Wee once because I was off my collective face. My second viewing ended in -- that's right -- more sleep. Edward Scissorhands? Great idea for a half hour short subject. As a full length feature, it sucked giant elephant dicks.

Lucky for Burton, he has great production designers, cinematographers, and musicians propping up his miserably limited talent. Most of the world has bought into his "genius", a "genius" that managed to destroy Willy Wonka and Planet of the Apes. How could anybody let that happen? Didn't he see the train rushing towards the giant anvil on the tracks of those unmitigated disasters?

So what's his problem? Easy. He's a visual guy. He gets a boner creating pretty, expensive, sumptuous visuals. And that's where it ends.

Give him ten thousand bucks and he couldn't put on a finger puppet play.

The guy, who looks terribly eccentric (so he must brilliant!) has no sense of pace (see Batman, which he also turned into a bore), no ability to improve upon a story (how could he possibly let the writers of Planet of the Apes and Willy destroy proven premises?), and zero knowledge of dramatic structure (again, see Batman, Willy, and Mars Attacks).

I'm man enough to concede that Sweeney Todd - The Demon Barber of Fleet Street was good (not great) because the source material was strong, as was Ed Wood's. Personally, I just loathe musicals and all that gratuitous, gaytard singing.

So, two good films in thirteen years from a bloke who has been given lots of opportunities and money and resources to get it right? That's impressive?

A strike rate like that is no indicator of genius. Thank Christ the prick isn't building space shuttles.

The better movies he is often credited with directing (Nightmare Before Christmas and Coraline) weren't directed by him at all.

Will I see Alice in Wonderland?

Sure. Because I'm sick. And I'm a psychotic optimist. There is a slim chance that he'll pull a rabbit out of his hat (no pun intended) before the next thirteen year block expires. I won't hold my breath, though.

I'll see it mostly because I love the book, and I love little people. There will be little people in it, right? Just as there were in The Sinful Dwarf, Terror of Tiny Town, All Dwarves Started Small, The Tin Drum, and Freaks.

The film will be advertised like it's God and millions of idiots will confuse advertising saturation with universal canonization of its director, star, and content.

I'm much more excited about seeing Miyazaki's Ponyo when it opens in August. His batting average smashes Burton right out of the ball park. That's because he really is a "genius".

From The Vault

This is Max Pecas's Je Suis Une Nymphomane, a '71 production.

It is certainly one of the oddest, most verbose ad mats for a sex pic I have ever seen.

The film itself is surprisingly well made and serious-minded (I guess that explains the Carole-signed ramble).

George Romero's classic paired with Jeff Lieberman's fascinating shocker.

Curious that Martin is referred to as Martin The Blood Lover(!)

Why is the X-rated Alice in Wonderland sharing the marquee with The Rocky Horror Picture Show?

Because both were released by 20th Century-Fox; the studio's version of Alice was cut, of course, to earn the softer rating.

The film, from the producer of Flesh Gordon, Bill Osco, went through the roof.

A bunch of Aussie women, imprisoned in a Tasmanian gulag, escape into the countryside and shun clothing.

Exceptionally odd movie with a strong feminist slant.

Much of it was improvised.

Also known as Blood Ruby, Curtis Harrington's atmospheric shocker was accompanied by Rene Cardona's Survive, a fact-based retelling of football team cannibalism in the Andes. The film was remade by Frank Marshall as Alive ('93).

I remember Survive getting great schoolboy reviews for its lurid scenes of flesh eating and base behavior.

A poster that creates no confusion about its subject matter.

The film is surprisingly interesting and featured more than one killer.

The director, Jack Sholder, went on to make the brilliant The Hidden.