Takeshi Miike's LESSON OF THE EVIL

Takeshi Miike's LESSON OF THE EVIL, just seen fairly recently, blew me away. In many respects, this is as bonkers and audacious as ICHII THE KILLER, and throws in elements of COLD FISH, BATTLE ROYALE, ELEPHANT, AMERICAN PSYCHO,and VIDEODROME.

Simple set-up sees a teacher saddled with the task of eradicating cheating during exams at a high school. When the task proves an impossible one, he takes drastic measures. To put it lightly.

No synopsis can do justice to LESSON's parade of perversion, blackmail, bullying, bloody violence, and outright insanity.

A couple of reviews have criticized the film's pacing, a charge I don't understand at all. From frame one, Miike creates a creeping, cloying sense of tension as he deftly sketches the lives of both teachers and students, and imbues every scene with a shattering inevitability that is paid off in spades.

In light of recent school shootings and reports of increasing campus violence, the film is so utterly relevant, it will be tough going for many, if not most, viewers

Although there is harsh violence throughout, the climax depicts one of the most merciless rampages I've ever seen, and I've seen plenty. It is not a menu of 'creative killings', a fact one moronic reviewer lamented, but is shocking for its brutal banality, its relentless nihilism, its sickening force. 

Audacious and brilliant, LESSON THE EVIL is simply the best film of the year so far, and, as Miike flicks go, right up there with ICHII THE KILLER, VISITOR Q, GOZU, 13 ASSASSINS, GRAVEYARD OF HONOR, THE MAN IN A WHITE SUIT, and THE CITY OF LOST SOULS.

I fuckin loved it!

Cinema As Punishment

 

     Unavailable on video for a long time, Cornel Wilde's No Blade of Grass finally goes public courtesy of Warner Archives. The film opens with a montage of environmental disasters that, apparently, caused the citizens of the world to riot and abandon civility. Although the logical steps towards such a catastrophe are vague here, you'd better go with it if you expect to survive the rest of the movie. We follow a small group of people who are heading out of strife-torn London to take refuge on a farm in the country. Along the way, some female members of the group get raped, the males shoot at each other, and a gang of outlaw bikers turn up to generate dramatic interest. Oh, yeah, and one bloke gets stuck with a wife who's more passionate about flashing her tits at the other cast members than surviving the disaster.

     I first read about No Blade of Grass in Philip Strick's Science Fiction Movies and remained curious about the often-published image of Viking-helmeted marauders on bikes.

     It took me until recently to conclude that the bikers in this movie are a bunch of idiots, and purely on board to break up the monotony. In the most pointless sequence, the bikers spot a group of armed civilians and decide to ride near them in a threatening manner. In fact, they ride in a circle so the civilians can shoot them off their bikes. Unfortunately, there's quite a bit of genuinely silly behavior on the loose in this odd science fiction mash-up.

     The film has developed a reputation for its explicit violence, a reputation that's undeserved. Yes, lots of people get shot at, and there are a few decent motorcycle stunts, but this '70's effort is neither shocking nor particularly interesting. A terribly unhelpful editing decision here is to include what can only be described as flash-forwards. Now and then, we get tinted frames of red or green prior to more tinted shots of events we haven't seen yet. The colored frames are meant to be some sort of red alert, but they simply serve to undercut any dramatic surprises this film has in store. And it never had many in the first place.

     The film must have cost a pretty penny to make. The cast list is considerable, and there are dozens of remote rural settings in addition to impressive riot sequences in London. Unfortunately, the script is obvious and heavy-handed, with Wilde piling on shots of dead animals and chimneys spewing pollution to make his point a hundred times. Although Nigel Davenport acquits himself well as the group leader, even he is betrayed by dialog lacking subtlety.

    Also lacking subtlety is a 'No Blade of Grass' folk song that is placed over the opening and end titles. Unless you're a musical masochist, you'll give this charmless ditty a wide berth.

     I wouldn't advise against seeing this cinematic relic as it is a curiosity, but I would park your high expectations at the door.

     If you really want to see how the world will end, watch Punishment Park, Peter Watkin's masterpiece now on Blu-Ray.

 

     Speaking of punishment, this is it!   

     Although I'm no fan of contemporary, so-called "extreme" (read: cheesy) cinema (Machine Girl, etc.), I gave Hard Revenge Milly a look because someone recommended it. I shouldn't have bothered. A girl takes revenge on a bunch of guys and gals who've raped her, killed her husband, and burnt her newborn baby to a crisp. Sounds like exploitation heaven, doesn't it? It's not. The over-the-top acting cremates the drama; the gore, inspired by Ichii the Killer, is silly; and the villains are screaming buffoons. Three minutes in, I already knew this was shit. There is a sequel, but I don't care. Keep it away from me.

Yank On This Crank!

I guess enough folks sucked the dick of the first Crank to warrant a sequel. Can't say I did.

I like Jason Statham a lot, though, but he couldn't pump it up much for me.

This second entry -- Crank 2 - High Voltage -- is pretty much fuckin nuts.

It's the first American studio flick I've seen that legitimately plays like a Takashi Miike film.

Neveldine and Taylor, who forged their rep making ads, are clearly big porno, Kaijan, and Asian exploitation lovers. They've blended all their fetishes into this gruesome, bubblegum flavored melange of deviance.

The premise is an excuse for non-stop, totally surreal nonsense, some of which hits the insane heights of the most extreme Japanese and Hong Kong cult flicks. A crazy Hispanic gangster known as "The Ferret" has stolen the heart of Chev Chelios (Statham) so it can be implanted in David Carradine's chest. Carradine plays a perverted, elderly version of his Cain character from Kung Fu.

Statham breaks out of hospital after he overhears doctors plotting to cut off his dick. He guts them and kills them (in that order) and takes off in search of his ticker.

He gets into a bunch of perverted, bloody altercations on the way.

Male nipples get cut cut off, Statham fucks his girlfriend at a race track (Hollywood Park) in front of thousands, porn actors Ed Powers, Lexington Steele ("I'm gonna drop loads on your prisoner!"), Ron Jeremy Hyatt, Jenna Haze ("No Dough, No Blow") and Kate Mulligan stage a protest, and Statham and Art Hsu face off in a Godzilla-style free-for-all in which they become giants and battle it out amongst electricity towers.

It's a priceless, spot-on parody.

I found the original Crank kinda boring. Too much shooting. Not enough of anything else. This flick dispenses with logic, just like its predecessor, but it pulls out all creative stops and references a bunch of great and not so great cult movies. Ichii The Killer is stolen from wholesale, as is Visitor Q, The Story of Rikki, a plethora of mad scientist flicks featuring brains in jars, Tetsuo The Iron Man, Tokyo Fist, and Suze Randall's pastel porn oeuvre.

Neveldine and Taylor shoot the flesh with a pornmeister's eye for the gloriously lurid, and, thank Christ, don't bother justifying or backpedaling on any of it.

An extra treat is a hilarious flashback to Statham's character's childhood in which the young Chev Chelios appears on a talk show hosted by a self-righteous, English twit.

Even Bai Ling pops in gets to do a sleazy cliche of an Asian whore.

Is this art? Fuck, yeah!


The film did not open brilliantly. It made a few bucks, but it got eaten by the shit-for-brains 17 Again, Hannah Montana (in its second week), State of Play, Monsters and Aliens, and Fast and Furious 4 (which I saw and tolerated).

Is Crank 2 being marketed correctly? Hard to say. Is it being marketed honestly? Hell, no! As noted above, it's an insane, anarchic, totally non-PC Fuck you! to common notions of decency done with its slimy tongue firmly embedded in its rounded ass cheek.

I've fuckin had it with shit like "nipple slips" (get over it!), referring to the word fuck as an "F-Bomb" (Jesus, fuckin grow up, you cunts!), and the media sending a message to the world that saying "Fuck", flashing your tits, and loving to ogle naked women is more reprehensible than the truly reprehensible pricks in Washington and on Wall Street who have royally screwed this country and its childrens' future. What about "the kids" now, you bastards?

Well, because of the kid gloving of America, the Crank 2 trailer goes vanilla and undersells itself like the first Crank. It hides the film's madness, and gives us generic slogans and voice-overs. It has some humor, but the actual audience for it (guys who love Miike and extreme trash films) won't be rushing to see it based on the trailer.

The reality is there is probably not a big enough audience for what Crank 2 actually is. There IS a bigger audience for generic action shit. So Lionsgate has aimed its marketing at the generic action shit audience. It makes financial sense. Still, the film performed below expectations.

Would millions rush to Ichii The Killer if they knew exactly what it was?

I rest my case.

Sad, isn't it?