The NFOH Problem

To describe the condition I'm thinking about, I'd rather not use the expression "it's a no-brainer" because I'm surely educated enough to try harder. How about I use "not a fuckin' ounce of hesitation (NFOH)" instead? That describes it.

I'm referring to movies you just keep spending money on. New editions. New cuts. Improved transfers. New extras. Restorations. Hideous bootlegs promising gold and delivering turds. Versions shitted out of some porn star's orifice. Versions revived, re-loved, masturbated over, re-edited, raped by censors, and run through the worst of projectors with nary a cleaned frame in sight.

What are your NFOH's? What are the films that never lose their spark for you? That you shell out hard-earned bucks for over and over and over again until you're staring poverty in the kisser? What films will bury you? End your misguided existence? Break up your marriage? Destroy your future?

The subject came up today when I learned that a French company, Carlotta Film, had just put out a BluRay of Gerard Kargl's extraordinary ANGST aka SCHIZOPHRENIA. Until today, I've been making do with a shitty, fan-subbed DVD-R and a half decent DVD without subs. Those two disks have been servicing my cinematic needs like two old but reliable callgirls for longer than I can remember. Still, the prospect of Erwin Leder on Blu, the Klaus Schulze music on Blu, the lurid, dazzling visuals of ANGST on Blu, was just too much. I couldn't resist.  Actually, I never had anything TO resist. I went into robot mode and bought it.

The BluRay is not subtitled in English -- but did I give a fuck? No. Did I hesitate to flick open my wallet, rip out my credit card, and head straight to Amazon.fr for a purchase? Hell, no. It was a done deal the moment I got the mail about it. ANGST is a NFOH of the first order. There wasn't a second's pause to consider the fact that there would be no subtitles on the feature or the extras; there'd be the amazing Leder voice-over, sure, but I wouldn't be understanding it so well because German is not a language I speak. However, I've seen ANGST at least thirty times, so I pretty much remember every poisonous line.

The NFOH condition is a serious one, an addiction, a blot on one's financial sobriety.

What are the other NFOH films that threaten to destroy my sanity, force me to question my sanity?

Not in order, and there aren't too many, but here they are...

What are yours?

   

Top 22 Horror Films in 22 Years

Recently, there have been a great many horror lists published on various blogs as a rebuttal to Owen Gleiberman's list in Entertainment Weekly.

I cheated my list back 22 years so as to include In A Glass Cage, one of my favorite horror films of any time.

Good horror comedies such as Shaun of the Dead are missing because they're not real horror to me.

You won't find Blair Witch Project here because it is now and always has been utter shit.

I realize some films here such as Battle Royale may not meet everybody's definition of horror. For mine, the film's premise is horrific ) enough in my book -- kill all your friends and classmates or you die!

Utterly disturbing.

Extremely tense. Claustrophobic. Doesn't put a foot wrong.

The cheat ending still bothers me, and almost bumped it off the list, but everything that comes before it is true horror executed with love and gusto.

A masterpiece from the late Kinji Fukasaku, a god among directors.

Surreal, atmospheric horror.

One of the best Italian horror films ever made (and they've made some doozies). Grisly, surreal, erotic, disturbing, and beautiful.

Despite the lack of perfect versions of this, it is a rich, atmospheric horror film occasionally handicapped by wrong-headed comedy. Still, its necrophilic tone qualifies it for greatness.

I love Arturo Ripstein, and this phenomenal Mexican version of The Honeymoon Killers is sometimes unbearable to watch.

As I am not a fan of Audition (I find it quite boring), my Miike choice is the brilliant and twisted Ichii The Killer.

As the years pass, I like Silence of the Lambs less and Ridley Scott's Hannibal so much more.

Gary Oldman's 'Mason Verger' is a modern horror creation that Lon Chaney would have been proud of.

One of the most subversive horror films ever to be slipped through a studio gate.

Real horror with brutal catharsis.

Easily one of the most bizarre, troubling, and anxiety-inducing horror films. From director Fruit Chan.

I may be alone on this one, but John Dahl's riff on the Duel premise is a taut, unrelenting horror pic with a great, unseen villain ('Rusty Nail').

What can I say that hasn't already been said?

Powerful psychological horror that captures the terror of being a prisoner of your own delusions.

A nightmare captured on celluloid.

This '87 masterpiece of bloodsucking just slips through the 22-year gate.

One of the most bizarre, cruel, and horrific studies of child abuse ever burned to the screen, Midori is a worthy successor to Todd Browning's Freaks.

Based on Mr. Arashi's Amazing Freak Show by Suehiro Maruo.

Supreme tension.

Masterful, understated horror fairytale.

Accomplished tale of alienation where the horror grows like cancer on sunburn.

David Mamet's only attempt at writing a horror picture is stark and frightening and unforgettable. Stuart Gordon's direction is flawless.