Ruminations From The Salton Sea

It's 5 am. I 'm too excited to sleep. A day of creative collaboration lies ahead.

I'm staying at a motel fives miles from our Salton Sea location. I love this area. I could make films here forever.

The Korean director, Kim ki-Duk, whose work I admire, would love this place, too.

Each corner of it is a world.

When you're making a film, you're constructing a unique world through your lens, and through your microphone. Where you point your lens, and what you record with that microphone, shapes that world. It defines you as a filmmaker.

The pleasure of filmmaking is the shaping.

It's all in your hands.

Last night I read a reply to my Guy N. Smith blog from a young man (I assume) who asked me about women. "Also, advice you have about women!" he said.

I think every man on Earth has something to say about women, just as every woman has something to say about men.

It's always an interesting topic, and it never gets stale.

The anonymous writer's request came at a good time because I was still contemplating last week's brilliant episode of South Park in which Trey Parker and Matt Stone (two of the smartest blokes in America) skewered Disney's Jonas Brothers phenomenon. It IS a phenomenon because it's pervasive and insidious. It's all about stealing money from gullible girlies, of course, and the South Park boys are bothered by that.

What bothers Park and Stone most is the hypocrisy behind the phenomenon. Through The Jonas Brothers, Disney is selling sex to teens and pre-teens, but they're wrapping it in strands of dripping wet bullshit. Their secret weapon is Celibacy.

You see, The Jonas Brothers all wear Purity Rings. These rings signify the boys' commitment to remaining celibate. They're good boys, you see. Girls can take them home to mum and dad. They're not going to try and cop a feel of your daughter's budding nipples. They're not going to Mapquest or GPS their way to your little darling's Third Base.

Despite the fact that these dandy fellas bounce onto the stage and thrust their crotches AT your daughter while singing impossibly gooey love songs wrapped in Christian clothing, they are no more dangerous than a trio of Ken dolls in a store window (apparently).

A rare photograph of three teenage boys who don't think about sex

It's comforting to know that the little girls of the world, virgins all, are safe in the celibate hands of Nick Jonas (16), Joe Jonas (19), and Kevin Jonas (20).

That's because these three incredible guys are different to every other boy in the world. Made no mistake, they are exceptional, and surely heading for a listing in the Guiness Book of Records. These freaks DON'T want to have sex. They think PURE thoughts. They thrust their crotches at an audience of screaming children and it means NOTHING.

In a recent interview, they explained how their Purity Rings are symbols of their RESPECT for women.

In Ralph L. Thomas's extraordinary '81 movie about religious cult indoctrination, Ticket To Heaven, Nick Mancuso is visiting an old friend who has joined a cult masquerading as a youth group. Nick has just been cold shouldered by a female member of the group, so he asks his friend what the policy is on sex in the group. His friend pastes on a smile and says: "We're trying to learn some real respect for women here."

The last time I looked, the first rung on the ladder of respect was honesty, not celibacy.

Man or woman, it doesn't matter. Being honest with somebody is how you show them respect.

Being celibate is kind of like lying to yourself. It's like pretending that you don't need to eat.

Lying to the people who love you and your music is being disrespectful to them.

Purity Rings, therefore, are symbols of Pure Bullshit.

Pure Bullshit sells.

Truth, unfortunately, goes begging.

Organized religion is about organizing and managing thought. It needs to take control of how you think. If it can't take control of how you think, you'll question its validity.

Organized religion has always understood the power of sexual desire very well. It knows it's a type of primal hunger. Or thirst. It's unstoppable. It's not going away any time soon.

A man can destroy a woman by demeaning her. Women are more susceptible to belittling and criticism than men are. They're raised that way. With exceptions, of course. Without guns, the way to destroy a good woman is to make her believe she's bad, she's no good. If you tell her she's bad, and you hammer the point home long enough, she'll start to believe it, especially if you keep contrary views at bay. Once you've convinced your victim that they're bad, you can then (kindly) offer them a solution. Forgiveness even. Yep, you can step in right in and be her savior. Then she'll respect you. She'll listen to you. She'll follow you.

Religious indoctrination works the same way.

Religious leaders (insecure, small-dicked men) always needed to make sex bad because they knew it felt so damn good. They did this (and continue to do this) by demonizing the desire. This demonizing began with women. Women who desired sex were bad. Their sex organs were bad. Bad women, you see, were a threat to good men... men like the Jonas Brothers. Women were forced to cover up and feel ashamed about their bad bodies.

Eve tempted Adam, right? Adam was Eve's victim. Like Nick, Joe or Kevin Jonas, he wore a Purity Ring, a symbol of his superiority to Eve, who stood in for all women.

As the Jonas Brothers gyrate and thrust, they send out a confusing message to their flock. Although they incite desire, that desire will not find expression. It will be cut off at the pass because it's wrong, it's disrespectful.

The Jonas Brothers have much in common with table top dancers. They are paid hookers who don't put out. Isn't that disrespectful?

William Hurt sums it up in Lawrence Kasden's Body Heat ('81): "Sometimes the shit comes down so heavy, I feel like I need a hat."

Advice I have about women?

Be honest from the beginning, boys. Keep all negotiations equal.

Buying a woman dinner doesn't guarantee vagina time. If she wants you, she wants you. If she doesn't, nothing will change that. Certainly not dinner.

Don't trade your personal power for a quick fuck.

If you're going to cum, make sure she comes first. That's respect. Practice makes perfect.

Use a condom (or get snipped) if you care about building a future on your own terms.

Don't let a pregnant belly fuck your career choices. The choice to keep an unwanted child is, ultimately, hers, not yours. Remember that.

Forget about your future, son. She's got it sorted for you!

A five minute ride in a tight, wet vagina should not be the trade-off for your future.

Tell women what you think, not what they want to hear.

The good ones will respect that.

The bad ones will walk away.

Close the door behind them as they exit and be grateful for the Truth.

Unfortunately, most guys are so weak when it comes to women, it makes me want to vomit.

Oh, yeah, and Fuck the Jonas Brothers!

WARNING:
Stakes made for vampires may fare better than Purity Rings
against these two -- unless you're the Brothers Jonas