Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Boring Centipede

The positive reviews for The Human Centipede puzzle me because I have nothing positive to say about it. The film is based on a silly conceit that is unconvincingly executed on screen. Director Tom Six needs to know that a centipede has one hundred legs, not six (or twelve, if you count arms). His human centipede is comprised of three people; the second and third are doing a mouth to ass configuration; the point person just pulls the others with him. The make-up effects are so amateurish, the whole affair feels like a student film (a bad student film).

Essentially, the writer/director has one idea -- a human centipede. As a result, there is nothing of interest surrounding that idea. We just get a series of awful contrivances that place three individuals in the "care" of a mad scientist whose grand plan is to sew them together. That's it. The acting of the two females is hideously awful, and the male victim (a Japanese man) is not much better. The digital photography and lighting are horrific, and the editing is sloppy and slack.

If you're looking for "sick", you won't find it here. If you're looking for boring, however, you've hit the mother lode. Scenes run forever and not one iota of characterization or suspense emerges. The screenplay and direction are totally uninspired, and the performers flounder in a directionless universe. 

It's depressing that this rotten pile of shit is getting a small theatrical and a DVD release in the US when so many brilliant non-US horror films are totally ignored.

If anything I've said about this film makes it sound remotely interesting, I apologize for misleading you.


8 comments:

  1. Thank you for the heads up on this turd, Phantom! (PS going in to Monster Music today to purchase my copy of a DECENT movie- the scary mushie people from Toho- as per yr recommendation!)

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  2. Great idea, Mandingo (Mr A); 'Matango' is glorious cinema.

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  3. jervaise brooke hamsterMarch 24, 2010 at 4:24 PM

    It looks like "SOILED SINEMA" really has snuffed it this time, they have now gone almost 5 months without a reveiw. Its a real shame because the reveiws on that site were amongst the best anywhere on the net. Tyree and McQ obviously possess the same levels of intelligence as Noam Chomsky and it was truly superb how they applied that intelligence to reveiwing films.

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  4. I keep having these delusional thoughts that this film has something to do with CENTIPEDE HORROR - but of course it doesn't. LOL.

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  5. Man, I had really wanted to see this. I guess I'll still give it a look I suppose, if for no other reason to find out how it's "100% medically accurate"!

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  6. Finally saw this, and you have it just about right. I give them credit for taking the concept as far as the do and not cheating the audience by teasing them with it. But the terrible script of poor acting burns it most of the way around.

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  7. BOOOOOORRRRIIINNNGGG. You can watch it on fast forward on Netflix instant que and get through it in about 15 minutes and not miss anything. Too bad, they really could have had some fun with it, but instead they drag out one "gross" scene for an hour.

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  8. Jack -- if only this had had something to do with CENTIPEDE HORROR!

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    d -- not too sure about film's accuracy. I AM sure it's shitful, though

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    Andy -- Yes, they show the 'pede, but they fuck themselves with the appalling script

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    Andy -- Agree. Best to watch as a 15 minute flash-by. The pace definitely kills the "fun"

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