Same Centipede, Same Boring Shite

 The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) is an endurance test because it's slow and protracted. The idea was just as silly the first time. Here, it's the same thing all over again. This time, Martin (Lawrence R. Harvey), a fat, bloated fan of the first film, wants to create his own human centipede. He does this by using his position as an attendant at a parking lot to collect the pieces he needs. He then sews them together and, presto!, another centipede.

Director Tom Six is easily one of the worst directors currently making horror films. His films have zero suspense, the ideas are juvenile beyond belief, and the acting is atrocious. He's also one of the luckiest directors currently making horror films because he's got half the horror community fooled into thinking he's doing something worthwhile and groundbreaking.

 What seems to be driving Six is ego. His name's all over the picture, and the film's focus on a man inspired by the previous film is masturbation of the lowest order.

Although I found this slightly less boring than the first one and Harvey is believably perverted as the lead, I wouldn't recommend it to anybody in a million years.

Say no more.

The Boring Centipede

The positive reviews for The Human Centipede puzzle me because I have nothing positive to say about it. The film is based on a silly conceit that is unconvincingly executed on screen. Director Tom Six needs to know that a centipede has one hundred legs, not six (or twelve, if you count arms). His human centipede is comprised of three people; the second and third are doing a mouth to ass configuration; the point person just pulls the others with him. The make-up effects are so amateurish, the whole affair feels like a student film (a bad student film).

Essentially, the writer/director has one idea -- a human centipede. As a result, there is nothing of interest surrounding that idea. We just get a series of awful contrivances that place three individuals in the "care" of a mad scientist whose grand plan is to sew them together. That's it. The acting of the two females is hideously awful, and the male victim (a Japanese man) is not much better. The digital photography and lighting are horrific, and the editing is sloppy and slack.

If you're looking for "sick", you won't find it here. If you're looking for boring, however, you've hit the mother lode. Scenes run forever and not one iota of characterization or suspense emerges. The screenplay and direction are totally uninspired, and the performers flounder in a directionless universe. 

It's depressing that this rotten pile of shit is getting a small theatrical and a DVD release in the US when so many brilliant non-US horror films are totally ignored.

If anything I've said about this film makes it sound remotely interesting, I apologize for misleading you.