Monday, January 24, 2011

The Fucking Geniuses at IFC


IFC (Independent Film Channel) is my favorite cable TV channel. No, it WAS. Now, it's one of my least favorite cable TV channels because they're breaking up their movies with fucking commercial breaks.

Great idea, huh?

They have the nerve to call it "The New IFC" when it's become "The Shitty IFC".

Some Clever Clogs at the network (probably some dickwad bean counter) came up with a smart idea to make the station better for the owners and worse for the viewers/subscribers.


It's a terrific way to alienate subscribers (who are already fleeing in droves!) and force them to write bitter blog posts about the station that was once a diamond in the cable rough.

My next step will be canceling IFC and, while I'm at it, I'll probably give Sundance the ass, too, because they've also started showing commercials.

Initially, the whole point of cable was that you didn't have to put up with commercials because you were paying the TV station NOT to show them. Free TV was free because commercials paid for it. Fine. But Pay TV was Pay TV because, well, WE paid for it -- that distinguished it from the free variety.

Well, the greedy suits who run the cable giants are now having it both ways -- they charge for their channels AND fill their shows with commercials. The result will be subscribers canceling and fleeing en masse to other alternatives




I can see IFC and Sundance becoming about as much fun as AMC was before it got into original series production. They began life showing movies without commercials -- then they dirtied their drawers with them. But AMC was a little different because you didn't pay extra to receive them. Now they show very decent original programming such as Mad Men and they're still not an upper tier network that you pay extra for. Which is as it should be.

The last hold-out is TCM (Turner Classic Movies), easily the best thing on cable. They have no
commercials, they show stuff in its correct aspect ratio, and you sense that they have some respect for their subscribers.

Let me pose a hypothetical...

If you were IFC and you were being threatened with new alternatives such as Netflix, the torrents, Redbox, and a hundred other options, would you try fucking your Golden Goose in the ass while it's manifesting pre-death throes?

Well?

Wouldn't it be better to help the poor creature up, plop it in a wheelchair, and pretty up its sagging features with some nail polish, lip gloss, and an approach to its condition that will make it a healthier being?

Well, IFC chose the assfucking instead of the wheelchair. Yep, they added commercials to a network that is supported by film purists.

"Let's call it The New IFC and add commercial breaks!" they roared.

Geniuses, huh?! Fucking geniuses!!!








Yeah, "off" like month-old milk.

9 comments:

  1. Another major source of irritation are their numerous block and superimposed graphics of upcoming shows, competitions, and every bullshit announcement under the sun. Nothing has any value because the next thing is always being pushed at you. And when that arrives, that has no value, either, because something else is being touted at you. Fuck me!

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  2. i made the jump to bit torrenting TV shows years ago. never looked back. f the man.

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  3. jervaise brooke hamsterJanuary 24, 2011 at 2:27 PM

    I dont really bother to watch movies anymore, i just keep the 1959 version of House On Haunted Hill on a continuous loop on my DVD player, it never fails to ease my despair primarily because its the film with the greatest re-watchability factor of all-time.

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  4. Wow I didnt even notice IFC was showing commercials. Screw that.

    I have HBO and all they show on all of their channels is Avatar....arghhh.

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  5. After being away from IFC for several months during a move to a new city, my crap detector went off when I returned and saw the "Always On. Slightly Off" slogan. Some bastard in a tailored suit and Italian loafers thought this would be a "trippy" way to attact all those wacky alternative types who love IndyFilms. (Sorry, readers, you'll find sickness bags in the seat pocket in front of you.)

    On the other hand, I suppose I have to forgive them since the whole independent film community has been co-opted (read: courted, fucked, paid off, and eslaved) by the studio system. The Spirit Awards ceremony has become another tedious parade of pretentious, overdressed bores, except that these bores couldn't get into The Big Ceremony at the Kodak Theater.

    The moral is, if you want to shoot truly independent films, make damned sure they don't earn much money because, if they do, you're gonna have some controlling, blow-dried bottom-feeder with a checkbook haunting your doorstep and your independence will be over in a Hollywood Minute.

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  6. Anon -- I don't torrent, but I hear your pain.

    ***

    Jaded -- yeah, HBO is just repetitive. I dumped that for Showtime and The Movie Channel (I've always liked that).

    ***

    Bob L. -- beautifully said. Co-opted is right. "Truly independent" is becoming a bit of a joke, isn't it? Independent of what? Glad to hear your crap detector went off nice and loudly.

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  7. If I ever have the money I guess I'd buy a real computer and torrent shit off those awesome (probably elite and stuck the fuck up) er.. torrents, fuck I dunno shit about anything I guess, but as it stands I don't watch any TV at all. Netflix is the best thing going at the moment despite its limited selection. IFC used to show Zatoichi movies every Saturday and sometimes they'd fuck up and play all of Alex Cox's movies, or show Henry, shit like that. Fuck that channel and it's faux indie douchebag posturing, assuming I think faggots with plastic emo glasses who talk like limp wristed girls "attracts" me the same way country hawg moaning and country tits wrapped around bottles of bud light brings on simpleton WORTHLESS DICK FUCK like moths to the bug burner.

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