Saturday, March 21, 2009

Ruminations From The Salton Sea

It's 5 am. I 'm too excited to sleep. A day of creative collaboration lies ahead.

I'm staying at a motel fives miles from our Salton Sea location. I love this area. I could make films here forever.

The Korean director, Kim ki-Duk, whose work I admire, would love this place, too.

Each corner of it is a world.

When you're making a film, you're constructing a unique world through your lens, and through your microphone. Where you point your lens, and what you record with that microphone, shapes that world. It defines you as a filmmaker.

The pleasure of filmmaking is the shaping.

It's all in your hands.

Last night I read a reply to my Guy N. Smith blog from a young man (I assume) who asked me about women. "Also, advice you have about women!" he said.

I think every man on Earth has something to say about women, just as every woman has something to say about men.

It's always an interesting topic, and it never gets stale.

The anonymous writer's request came at a good time because I was still contemplating last week's brilliant episode of South Park in which Trey Parker and Matt Stone (two of the smartest blokes in America) skewered Disney's Jonas Brothers phenomenon. It IS a phenomenon because it's pervasive and insidious. It's all about stealing money from gullible girlies, of course, and the South Park boys are bothered by that.

What bothers Park and Stone most is the hypocrisy behind the phenomenon. Through The Jonas Brothers, Disney is selling sex to teens and pre-teens, but they're wrapping it in strands of dripping wet bullshit. Their secret weapon is Celibacy.

You see, The Jonas Brothers all wear Purity Rings. These rings signify the boys' commitment to remaining celibate. They're good boys, you see. Girls can take them home to mum and dad. They're not going to try and cop a feel of your daughter's budding nipples. They're not going to Mapquest or GPS their way to your little darling's Third Base.

Despite the fact that these dandy fellas bounce onto the stage and thrust their crotches AT your daughter while singing impossibly gooey love songs wrapped in Christian clothing, they are no more dangerous than a trio of Ken dolls in a store window (apparently).

A rare photograph of three teenage boys who don't think about sex

It's comforting to know that the little girls of the world, virgins all, are safe in the celibate hands of Nick Jonas (16), Joe Jonas (19), and Kevin Jonas (20).

That's because these three incredible guys are different to every other boy in the world. Made no mistake, they are exceptional, and surely heading for a listing in the Guiness Book of Records. These freaks DON'T want to have sex. They think PURE thoughts. They thrust their crotches at an audience of screaming children and it means NOTHING.

In a recent interview, they explained how their Purity Rings are symbols of their RESPECT for women.

In Ralph L. Thomas's extraordinary '81 movie about religious cult indoctrination, Ticket To Heaven, Nick Mancuso is visiting an old friend who has joined a cult masquerading as a youth group. Nick has just been cold shouldered by a female member of the group, so he asks his friend what the policy is on sex in the group. His friend pastes on a smile and says: "We're trying to learn some real respect for women here."

The last time I looked, the first rung on the ladder of respect was honesty, not celibacy.

Man or woman, it doesn't matter. Being honest with somebody is how you show them respect.

Being celibate is kind of like lying to yourself. It's like pretending that you don't need to eat.

Lying to the people who love you and your music is being disrespectful to them.

Purity Rings, therefore, are symbols of Pure Bullshit.

Pure Bullshit sells.

Truth, unfortunately, goes begging.

Organized religion is about organizing and managing thought. It needs to take control of how you think. If it can't take control of how you think, you'll question its validity.

Organized religion has always understood the power of sexual desire very well. It knows it's a type of primal hunger. Or thirst. It's unstoppable. It's not going away any time soon.

A man can destroy a woman by demeaning her. Women are more susceptible to belittling and criticism than men are. They're raised that way. With exceptions, of course. Without guns, the way to destroy a good woman is to make her believe she's bad, she's no good. If you tell her she's bad, and you hammer the point home long enough, she'll start to believe it, especially if you keep contrary views at bay. Once you've convinced your victim that they're bad, you can then (kindly) offer them a solution. Forgiveness even. Yep, you can step in right in and be her savior. Then she'll respect you. She'll listen to you. She'll follow you.

Religious indoctrination works the same way.

Religious leaders (insecure, small-dicked men) always needed to make sex bad because they knew it felt so damn good. They did this (and continue to do this) by demonizing the desire. This demonizing began with women. Women who desired sex were bad. Their sex organs were bad. Bad women, you see, were a threat to good men... men like the Jonas Brothers. Women were forced to cover up and feel ashamed about their bad bodies.

Eve tempted Adam, right? Adam was Eve's victim. Like Nick, Joe or Kevin Jonas, he wore a Purity Ring, a symbol of his superiority to Eve, who stood in for all women.

As the Jonas Brothers gyrate and thrust, they send out a confusing message to their flock. Although they incite desire, that desire will not find expression. It will be cut off at the pass because it's wrong, it's disrespectful.

The Jonas Brothers have much in common with table top dancers. They are paid hookers who don't put out. Isn't that disrespectful?

William Hurt sums it up in Lawrence Kasden's Body Heat ('81): "Sometimes the shit comes down so heavy, I feel like I need a hat."

Advice I have about women?

Be honest from the beginning, boys. Keep all negotiations equal.

Buying a woman dinner doesn't guarantee vagina time. If she wants you, she wants you. If she doesn't, nothing will change that. Certainly not dinner.

Don't trade your personal power for a quick fuck.

If you're going to cum, make sure she comes first. That's respect. Practice makes perfect.

Use a condom (or get snipped) if you care about building a future on your own terms.

Don't let a pregnant belly fuck your career choices. The choice to keep an unwanted child is, ultimately, hers, not yours. Remember that.

Forget about your future, son. She's got it sorted for you!

A five minute ride in a tight, wet vagina should not be the trade-off for your future.

Tell women what you think, not what they want to hear.

The good ones will respect that.

The bad ones will walk away.

Close the door behind them as they exit and be grateful for the Truth.

Unfortunately, most guys are so weak when it comes to women, it makes me want to vomit.

Oh, yeah, and Fuck the Jonas Brothers!

Stakes made for vampires may fare better than Purity Rings
against these two -- unless you're the Brothers Jonas


  1. if you can sell em' talking snakes (genesis 3:1-6), a race of giants (numbers 13:32-3), seas parting on command (exodus 14: 15-17), burning bushes that talk (exodus 3: 1-2), men rising from the dead (matthew 28:1-20; mark 16:1-20; luke 24:1-49; john 20:1-21:25), human ribs being transformed into living/breathing women (genesis 3: 20), plagues of raining frogs (exodus 8:6), water being instantly turned to wine (john 2:1-11), satyrs (isaiah 13:21), fiery serpents (numbers 21:6), cockatrices (jeremiah 8:17), and frikkin' UNICORNS (isaiah 34:7)...then you can sell em' any line of bullshit.

  2. Have you ever settled for someone you knew wasn't the woman for you? Time spent together can be worse than a prison bid. Being alone is preferable. I wish I knew that when it would have actually helped me. Honesty is key, yeah, but to yourself as well.

    Don't hate the Jonas Brothers, my friend, hate the system. Hate the media for fuck's sake--these bastards have no idea what oversaturation is so they cram the same shit down our throats until the zombies in front of the TV stop watching altogether--then they assemble yesterday's newsmakers for celebrity boxing matches to milk a few more bucks out of their fame. It's an annoyance and a failure that shit like Octo-mom passes for real news. If someone had pused her down a flight of stairs a few months ago I wouldn't have to see her fucking face everywhere!

    Well, good luck with the collabo. I'd also like to ask who is that redhead in the portrait?

  3. I can't stand the Jonas Bros.

    Ur blog was talked about in my film class becuz the instructor was talking about horror films and why so many of them are crap- it's becuz horrer has such an intense fan base they will see anything- and someone mentioned horror blogs, and yours came up. I didn't know you were a director until I read ur blog.

    As for girls, how can u get them to get in to the shit you like? Most girls would walk away. I have seen some girls that are in ot that crazy shit but they are kinda scary, if u know what I mean.

    ive read alot of ur blog the past few nights and i really dig it. Where do you get all that old porn?

    Thanx Jared

  4. I would second all this; repression of innate natural desire can hurt, maim, even kill.

    And yet the purpose of our generation is not to mire ourselves in our baser nature, but to transcend it, rise above and beyond it; I don't mean to reject sexual urge, but to embrace it completely, de-mythologise it and use it as it was meant to be used- as a divine sacrament. And the best way of achieving this transcendence- and ultimate evolution- is by being truthful.

    You are correct- it is that simple. Much like so many other things in the world that seem complicated, are not. War is wrong. Starvation is bad. Rape is bad etc.

    Be truthful, whatever that means. Perhaps best defined as 'your truth', often known as 'soul truth'. That which you know in your heart. Taken to it's extreme, this would mean that serial killers are merely asserting their 'soul truth'. Well, I would rather see people's truth so I can deal with it- no matter how 'bad' it might seem to me- than have to circumnaviate my way through all the deception, camouflage and subterfuge which make things so much more complicated.

    It's like in 'Pocca', where Willard says the bullshit piles so high you need wings to stay above it. The important thing is to stay above it, and be true to yourself. If we all did this, things would be a lot easier.

    Funny how the young are coming to you for their truth, Phantom. I couldn't think of a better mentor, to be honest. Remember when this service was performed by the family?

    Perhaps this Blog is the 'new family'.

    'Long live the new flesh...'

  5. Who are those two babes in the final pic?

  6. Some wonderful advice for men and great take on religious intent! Remember if its not on! It's not On!

    Keep up the wonderful post!

  7. Anonymous/Jared -- interesting point, my friend, about horror films, even bad ones, being supported by a loyal fan base. It's true.

    How does one get girls into horror? Interesting question. As a rule, women will never be into genre films in as large numbers as guys are, so the pool of eligible ones is small. I have never met a woman who was as big a genre fan as me. The best you can do is hope to come across one who enjoys watching them with you. I think much younger women (15+ up to 24) enjoy horror more. Then their hormones kick in and they develop other interests. There are exceptions, and two or three of those are "followers" of this blog.

    Not surprisingly, films like I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE don't go over too well with the ladies. STAR OF DAVID - HUNTING FOR BEAUTIFUL GIRLS won't be as popular as MARLEY AND ME.

    If you can find a female who is in the process of rebelling against a very Catholic/Christian upbringing, you may find a sympathetic horror-embracing partner, at least for a while.

    For many females, horror movie going represents a stage in their lives, not a lifestyle. This accounts for the success of PG-rated horror flicks. It's women who are putting their bums on those seats, not male hardcore horror fans.

    Just don't entertain the kind of female who will make it her mission to change you. Some women will love everything you love for the first 6 months... then she'll start finding things wrong with everything you do.

    Stay true to yourself. Believe in yourself. Especially at a young age, women should be seen as Fun, not Forever.


    mandingo -- Eloquently put! Far be it from to expand on your thesis here. I think we are referring to "true nature" when we speak of "truth". Being true to yourself is one of the most difficult things in the world because everything is geared to collective acceptance.


    IFI -- Amen! And even when it's on it may not stay on.

  8. Abo -- the two ladies at the bottom of the piece are Yuuno Hoshi and Ouka Fujimiya from Be-Bop Manoru's "Junkie Pussy", a March '09 flick from one of my favorite porn production companies, Dogma.

  9. d -- I've certainly "settled" for a night or two, but rarely for longer than that. It's too much hard work.

    Being alone is preferable to a a relationship quite often. If you find a truly equal partner (someone who will join the "team"), hold onto them.

    I don't hate the Jonas Boys. I just despise the machine that churns beneath them, stripping them of their balls and brains for the Almighty Buck, that most amoral of all gods.

    The Octo-Ugly should have seen the business end of a rusty coathanger a long, long time ago.


    Kotto -- you've laid it out for all to see... reads like a great friggin' movie pitch...Human rib hookers, anyone?

  10. My current girlfriend was raised Catholic in Puerto Rico and she is by far a more intense horror fan than I am. She grew up with her grandmother telling her about the various tortures that Saints went through. She says that watching Saw just makes her homesick.

    Wonderful post about the Jonas Brothers.

  11. You've clearly stumbled upon a good one, Shon. As I mentioned above, the Catholic background can be crucial.

    I love that 'Saw' makes her homesick. That is beautiful. And it virtually makes her an Apostle of Pulp.

    Thanks for your comment.

  12. Thank you for your interesting point, Shon; and the guide to recognising your saints. I was always fascinated by the image of St Sebastian- not in that complicated psycho-sexual way that Mishima was, but the jarring blend of pain and religious martyrdom spoke to me on a deep cellular level, and has continued to intrugue me over the years.

    I agree that the foundation for my taste in movies was most likely my Catholic School experience, where bondage and humiliation were virtually inseparable from the learning process. Given that, as well as having a violent father with a foul drunken temper, how could I not grow up feeling homesick when I watch 'Salo'? I always assumed Pasolini had shot a documentary!

    For me, I confess, (another Catholic urge) probably in no small part due to my 'complicated' upbringing, I have walked that razor's edge between loving the brutality I 'lived' in childhood- choosing it uber alles other art forms- and that nagging sense I am going to Hell for it.

    I guess it has taken a lifetime to own my psychological complexities, and indeed revel in them, and reconcile myself with my 'unorthodox' artistic and entertainment choices. (Although I have to say that 'Unorthodox', is becoming the new 'Orthodox')

    I guess that is why I don't hate the expression 'guilty pleasures', so much as I find it redundant, when raised as a Catholic school boy all 'pleasures' are 'guilty'.

    I guess the key is to transcend anything that remotely resembles judgement or self loathing, embrace who you are and what you like with both arms and both legs, wrap yourself around your passions, and make peace with all of it.

    Even the fear and loathing your choices raise in your fellow man.

    I used to say 'Fuck them'; now I don't even get that indignant. How can I be angry at something that in my mind, after a lifetime of struggling, no longer exists??

    That has been my own path to 'salvation'...

  13. Is the redhead a John Currin? Love him.